If Roy Were Gay
by BakaKonekoRKL
Summary: A songfic to If You Were Gay from Avenue Q. What if Roy was gay? Ed's gonna prove that he is. EdxRoy yaoi


While I should really be getting back to writing my advice column……Well, people have done many AMVs to this song, but I haven't yet seen a fanfic to an Avenue Q song. So I thought, I'll do it!! I started this a little while ago (in chemistry). At that time, it was going to be my first yaoi fic, but I wrote several Ouran Hitachiincest fics during this one. So I guess it's not my first, since I finished it after those, even though I started it before? Well, enjoy it anyway : )

If You Were Gay 

_If you were gay,_

_That'd be okay_

_I mean, 'cause, hey!_

_I like you anyway_

_Because you see,_

_If it were me,_

_I would feel free to say_

_That I was gay!_

_--But I'm not gay._

"Hey, Colonel Bastard. There's a very interesting rumor going around about you."

"Oh really, FullMetal. And what would that be?" the Colonel asked, not looking up from his paperwork (oh, the dreaded paperwork!). Only those two were in the room, as everyone else was on their lunch break.

"Yeah. I was down in the lunch room and some of the guys were saying that you just make up all those "dates" with women and that you are, in fact, gay," Edward smirked.

Roy made a choking sound and looked as if he was going to throw up for a moment, but quickly composed himself, looked at Ed and asked, "Why would anyone think a silly thing like that?"

"I dunno, _Roy_. I think it's a theory worth testing out, don't you agree?"

"That's ridiculous," the Colonel argued.

"Oh, come on. Plenty of people are gay. What's so bad about it?"

"I-It's not right!" Roy exclaimed, "Men are meant to be with women, and women are made to be with men!" (A/N this is what my church said. Yet another reason why I don't agree with it!)

"Gee, _Roy_, that's a pretty mean thing to say," Ed feigned hurtfulness, "So…you don't get any _feelings_ when I'm around?"

"N-No!"

"And what about the other male military officers?"

"Absolutely not!"

_If you were queer,_

_I'd still be here_

_Year after year,_

_Because you're dear to me_

_And I know that you_

_Would accept me, too_

_If I told you today,_

"_Hey! Guess what? I'm gay!"_

_--But I'm not gay._

"Why do you keep denying it?" Ed pressed, taking a few steps forward, "Is it because you're afraid I'll leave the military if you tell me that you love me?" Boy, this was fun!

"I'm denying it because it's not true!" Roy argued.

"That could be true," Ed agreed, looking thoughtful for a moment, and Roy inwardly sighed with relief, "But I don't think I'm completely convinced just yet," he finished, smirking.

Roy was going to strangle him in another minute…

But the Colonel composed himself, sighed, and asked, "Fine then, FullMetal. What will it take to convince you that I'm not gay?"

Edward smiled and evil smile.

_I'm happy just being with you,_

_So what should it matter to me_

_What you do in bed with guys??_

_If you were gay,_

_I'd shout, "Hooray!"_

_And here I'd stay_

_But I wouldn't get in your way_

_You can count on me_

_To always be_

_Beside you every day_

_To tell you it's okay,_

_You were just born that way,_

_And as they say,_

_It's in your DNA:_

_You're gay!_

_(But I'm not gay!)_

_If you were gay…_

Ok, screw going along with Ed's plan.

He was going to strangle that midget here and now.

(Or better yet, burn him).

Because he was sitting on his lap.

Straddling him.

With his mouth centimeters away from his neck.

Just keep thinking, I'm straight, I'm straight, I'm straight… 

"Come on now, Roy. Aren't you turned on by all of this?" Ed breathed in his superior's ear.

_I'm straight, I'm straight…_

"Do you wanna kiss me?" Ed whispered, his lips so close and yet…

I'm straight… 

"Or…maybe you wanna fuck?"

"Alright, alright! That's it!" Roy exclaimed, throwing the small blonde boy off of him, "I'm gay, alright? Satisfied?"

Ed, sitting on the floor where he was thrown, smirked and said simply, "Good. Because so am I."

_Heehee :D I basically started with that last line in mind and worked backwards from there…Well anyway, I hope you all liked it:D Reviews are love : )_


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